Monday, 4 January 2010

Abstinent dinner

Hi, I am S., I am a compulsive overeater.

I thought I'd go 'public', in case I can help anyone, maybe create a forum of people who'd like to comment and learn from each other?

I have been in recovery for a long time: In the summer it'll be 25 years. I joined Overeaters Anonymous in 1985 in Munich, Germany. Since 1991 I have been a member in London, UK.

My recovery has been a rocky path at times, but at the moment I am crossing a valley full of fruit trees - reaping the fruits of my perseverance and work.

Not that it is easy all the time! Tonight I was having my dinner, sitting at the table, and I wanted to read something that I'd put next to my place mat. I had a quick look through it and decided then that this is not what recovery should be like. I am meant to 'eat like a lady', be present to my food. I had a lovely meal of couscous, falafel with a bit of yoghurt on the side and stir-fried carrot, leek and tomato, followed by some pieces of fresh pineapple, again with some yoghurt.

Nowadays I ask my Higher Power (a Power greater than myself, the God of my understanding, in my case a loving force that always wants my best and supports me in everything) to guide my hand when I put the food into a pan or onto my plate. Measuring and weighing ended up me using my plan of eating as a diet, my 'natural' tendency.

You could say, what, after 25 years in recovery she still has her struggles? Yes, at the moment I am focussing on behaviours around food. Wanting to read, watching the telly, not eating at the table, licking the lid of the yoghurt pot (that did not even occur to me today!), eating the end of a carrot that I have just grated etc. No, this is not finicky, it does matter: My experience is that the cleaner my food is the clearer my head and my boundaries. That is very evident to me.

I leave it at that for today. I will now take some quiet time, write my food diary and say a little prayer, and then it is off to bed. That is another thing I discovered: Going to bed on time really helps with my recovery, keeps me balanced and fit.

Am looking forward to my pre-heated bed and a few pages of reading.