Here I am again, and it is amazing how different I feel after 7 days of working step 1 and today step 2 in OA and following the particular food plan my sponsor suggested and that I'm still keeping secret because it's not the food plan alone that has changed things. It's just a tool, and I've only agreed to do it for 1 month, and then we'll see what works FOR ME. I was in a panic before, I could watch myself getting fatter and fatter, inch by inch, and was worried about my health, my looks and my sanity.
The difference is extraordinary: For about three days now I've been CALM, I don't feel like a fat monster anymore, even though I can't have lost a lot of weight. I think better about myself, too. Miraculous increase in self-esteem that I experience whenever I'm abstinent from compulsive overeating. I'm so grateful!!! Yesterday morning I even thought, 'If I'll have to stay like this that's fine', even though I'm clearly overweight with a body mass index of 31 and hope to lose weight, of course.
It's an absolute miracle that I can do a food plan right now, and I even find it easy, apart from the
odd panic about how I'm going to eat according to the plan during a weekend workshop with shared cooking etc. The fact that I'm able to eat like this teaches me that it's important in recovery to keep an open mind. I have failed with food plans in the past and announced for years that 'I can't do food plans.' But it's the Programme, that works, not the plan!
Sabilon
PS: I found a little cartoon that sums me up. Forgive the bad language, please. I thought it might be fun.
