Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Loving myself

Oh, how amazing, I gathered 3 followers, had only been aware of one! I hope you are still checking my blog from time to time.

Am sitting up at 2.30am, could not sleep. When I was a child I could not sleep well and had nightmares when I'd eaten heavy stuff in the evening, and this night I had that same experience. The nightmare, I created that in my own little head: suddenly it struck me, 'What if I'll get a heart attack? Maybe this night?' That had never occurred to me before. The reason for this self-created nightmare: I had a binge last night! Had eaten so well for days, focussed on being loving to myself through the way I feed myself. Loving not in the 'have a little piece of chocolate, darling' way but with nice and healthy meals. And then this! When it hits me it hits me out of the blue. I suddenly sat there and felt a craving and was aware that I had no willingness to make an outreach call. Instead, I got up and got a piece of .... and ... out of the fridge and ate it. And once I have started I have to eat as long as I have to.

Thank God I have been abstinent from sugar for a long time. I am very, very grateful for that. Sweet things do not talk to me anymore. At least not most of the time.

If you read this, please say a little prayer for me. I need it! I pray that I may connect with others more re. my food! That I may ring an OA member or my sponsor when I feel cravings. I cannot do it alone.

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